U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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