i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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