I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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