I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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