Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You took a bar mat shot.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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