She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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