I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
