I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
