The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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