I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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