Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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