his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
