Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
