sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
