How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
