Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
