The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
