I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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