and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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