she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
