I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The air was thick with penises
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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