I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
