Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
