sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
