I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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