We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
