oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
