I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
