Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
my liver is dry heaving
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
