he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
