I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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