Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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