I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
