So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
