OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
