alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
