I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
