I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
