So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
