She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
