Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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