I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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