i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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