im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
