it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
