and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
