You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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