Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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