i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
