Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
