You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
