She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
