Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
