i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
