.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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